GOD IS IN CONTROL

That's what I keep telling myself these days...God is in Control!

A lot has happened since the last time I posted on here...where do I begin?

Friday, March 12 we found out we were pregnant, what a surprise that was, especially since it was 3 days before our first home study visit. We were thrilled and felt what a wonderful blessing from God. We had our home study visit and Antioch Adoptions decided it was the right thing to do to put us on hold and later to find out, our file ended up being closed for the adoption process. They told us it was not permanent and we could re-open it back up when the timing was right. We thought WOW how God has changed our direction from adoption and now we were pregnant. We were so excited to see what God had in store for us.

We went to the Doctor for our 12 week check-up, I was very anxious...this is a very "special" period in pregnancy for us, we have had 2 other miscarriages 6 years ago. We knew God was in control and we had to believe that. I will never forget this day, Tuesday, April 27. We came to find out that our little one had gone home to be with Jesus. Our hearts were completely broken. I thought how could this happen to us AGAIN! Why was I being punished? What have I done to deserve this? I will tell you that I have been very angry with God, but I am also very sad and discouraged. I have hidden from my friends and family, I felt like my whole world was torn apart.

It has been a month now...I still think about our baby and what he would of turned out like and how much LOVE we had for him. My Doctor did some testing on us and on our baby to find out if we had a chromosome issue, everything came back normal. Praise Jesus! I have a blood clotting disorder and if I were to get pregnant again, I would have to give myself blood thinning shots. My Doctor told us we could have a "normal" pregnancy.

We have high hopes that one day we will be blessed with a child, whether through adoption or pregnancy. For now, the adoption is still on hold and we are holding on to each other and Jesus, for GOD IS IN CONTROL!